Conversation with my Father
In my mind, my father is the all time quintessential of romantics and one I strive to emulate. He sees beauty without fault and an abundance of love without the need for words, he embraces love with wide open arms and I have always, secretly always been in awe of that ability. To be able to fully let go is a truly beautiful gift to have but one, I have learnt, that takes time and comes from much experience.
Over the years I have spent time in and out of relationships, having one night stands and generally experimenting. I have also spent most of my twenties feeling I have set myself up for disappointments. I have chosen the wrong men. Fact. It's only recently after meeting my present partner that I have come to understand how true that statement is.
I have often called upon my father for advice and have known I could call him up any time, day or night and know he would be there to listen, calm me down and give me sound advice.
There was one subject my father and I hadn't spoken about however until one conversation took place between us which I will never forget. It was three years ago and the conversation lasted no more than three minutes but it was one that has stayed with me, opening up a bounty of questions. I didn't realise until very recently, what my father was about to tell me would be the beginning of a very long and painful journey for me, both of discovery, love, trust and above all of getting to know myself.
Me: Hi Dad
Dad: Hi Love
Me: Dad, I've got a question to ask you. How do you know when you're in love?
Dad: Oh, now that's simple. It feels like warm honey running through your body. A sickly feeling. You want to hold their hand. You never question real love. It's in their eyes and in your own. So, tell me are you in love?
Me: I don't know Dad. (I was crying at this point).
He said:
Take it from me, you're not. Because you never doubt love. One day you'll discover that for yourself.
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